Top 5 Hitman Movies

"Can we try with real bullets now?"
Here are the finest five of them all.

5) Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)
This is a real gem. A clever action comedy which you can actually see with your girlfriend. John Cusack is a hitman who goes back to his home town to do one last hit and at the same time attend his high school reunion, and starts rethinking about his carreer choices and his life. Sounds like a middle-age crisis movie hidden under the whole troubled hitman scenario, but in reality it's much more than that. Cool dialogues, really really good action sequences and some belly laughs make this movie a must-see.

4) Ichi The Killer a.k.a. Koroshiya 1 (2001)
Cult as hell, this one has some of the cruelest scenes you 're ever likely to see in Asian filmmaking, let alone Hollywood. It's the story of a mentally challenged but highly skillful hitman who gets tangled in a Yakuza kidnapping case. The story is too complex to explain, plus if I try, I'll reveal some of the key elements that make this movie so special. It's a creation of Takashi Miike ("Kiri kiri kiri" ring any bells?), so expect a twist in the end and some sick, sick stuff. Not a pure hitman movie, it's an alternate take on the exploitation of a man's weaknesses and moral boundaries. Not for the faint of heart.

3) Collateral (2004)
Tom cruise plays Vincent, a hitman who gets into Jamie Foxx's cab and forces him to drive him around town to complete his dirty work. A trully dark performance by Cruise, getting better over the years, plus amazing chemistry between the leading duo. Michael Mann is at his best, giving us a cool thriller set in LA, as beatiful as ever. This movie is so smart, it actually puts a hitman and a peaceful cab driver stuck in the same place, talking about the morality of killing and all the stuff that drive the viewer deep into the mind of a hired assasin. Witty dialogues and satisfying action sequences too, which could mayyybe make this the best hitman movie, if not for the crappy ending and some huge plot holes.

2) Nikita (1990)
Nikita is a cop killer who gets a second chance in life by becoming a professional assasin for a government agency. This is Besson's first masterpiece, a really stylish movie with "cool" written all-over it. Anne Parillaud gives a wonderful performance, first a wild untamed junkie and then a tender and used, reformed assasin. She becomes a vacant person, seeking for freedom and redemption. Nikita actually reinvented the whole hitman genre, showing the human side of the up-until-then cold blooded murderers. Doing so, this movie got ripped off by so many hitman movies, that the genre lost some of its appeal. Don't watch the remake, it lacks Besson's passion and style.

1) Leon (1994)
Not only the best hitman movie ever, but also one of the most artistically perfect movies ever. Besson's stylish yet moving direction, one of the best bad guys ever for Gary Oldman, Jean Reno as the child-like, innocent assasin and Natalie Portman as the grown-up Mathilda. Reno and Portman's carreers owe a lot to this movie, showing their talent to the whole world. The script deals with so many things, the moral aspect of killing, the exploitation of the weak, revenge and corruption, lost innocence, friendship and forbidden love, it's maybe the first film to justify paedophilia (although it's only hinted) after Lolita. Deep development of characters, action with a reason, moving finale. Everything you could ask for in a movie.



Contenders
John Woo's The Killer finished 6th, The Jackal is so flawed (never seen the original though), A Long Kiss Goodnight is a total rip-off of Nikita, Pulp Fiction,Reservoir Dogs and Ripley's Game aren't actually hitman movies, and Jason Bourne and The Bride were assasins, but now they just seek revenge. Maybe in the Top 5 revenge movies then.

Top 5 Movie Things I Want But I Can't Have.

"All we are is dust in the wind, dude!"
Here are the finest five of them all.

5) Lightsaber
Every child's wet dream in the late 70s and 80s. Every kid wants to be a jedi and have one of those. But I want that double, kick-ass, red one Darth Maul used to handle so skillfully. It's pretty dangerous though. I mean, if these things went to market, there would be chopped hands everywhere. Women would carry it around instead of mace. It's got its pros too.If you get lost in a blizzard, you could cut open an imaginary creature's stomache and warm yourself in its intestines. Pretty useful in cutting bread and toasting it at the same time. Now, that's a life saver.

4) Bill & Ted's Time travelling Phone Booth
Think about all the possibilities. You could travel back in time and spend an evening with Merilyn, run naked in Woodstock, take Hitler to 8th century's Ireland, introduce pot to Romans or just ask for Einstein to write your high school essay about the theory of relativity. Remember that great girl you used to go out with but she dumped you? You can finally have sex as many times you want with her and then dump her. Plus, it doesn't constitute as cheating. Or you could just go forth in time and get a lightsaber.

3) James Bond's Gadjets and Vehicles
Laser watches, portable helicopter, X-ray glasses, you name it. Fly to work with your jet pack in style, park your invisible car on your neighboor's loan, show off your card-guessing skills and get all the girls. Plus you can say a lot of lame lines. Or you can ask for Q to build you a lightsaber. Oh, and don't tell me you wouldn't trade your left nut for an Aston Martin.

2) The Matrix's skill-teaching machine
Learn kung fu in three seconds. No need for driving school. Load the entire wikipedia to your head. See what it's like to be know-it-all Good Will Hunting. Then,use your knowledge to do good. Find a cure for cancer and premature ejaculation. Or build your own lightsaber and time machine and sell the lightsabers to 80s children. Watch as society collapses.

1) Dirk Diggler's penis
Have this and you finally have a purpose in life: share your talent with the rest of the world. Join a circus and be the real one-eyed monster. Use your wang to scratch your knee without bending. Order condoms specially made for your schlong. Show off your weiner in the showers. Be a dildo model. Get in the Guinness Book of Records as the male-stripper-with-the-most-tips-in-a-single-show. You can photograph your shaft and upload the picture on a gay site, saying "See this rod, you can never have it". Cum in Heather Graham's tits. Cause afterall, what do you need a lightsaber when you 've got a 12 inch cock.

Top 5 Psycho Villains

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone"
Here are the finest five of them all.

5) The Joker - Jack Nicholson in Batman (1989)
He's definitely the craziest villain there is, although he's a comic character. Even so, with no superpowers, but with a chilling grin and a genious criminal mind, Jack Nicholson's performance stole momentum from Batman himself. If you think about it, we've seen bad guys with much more power than him. The only thing he wants to do is to release nerve gas to a whole city. But this a pure lunatic, one of a kind, we've never even seen a character this insane since 1989. Nicholson's Joker can't possibly be surpassed by Heath Ledger in the upcoming Batman. A trully mind-blowing performance.

4) John Doe - Kevin Spacey in Se7en (1995)
Kevin Spacey actually appears in just the last 30 minutes of the film. But that's more than enough for delivering one of the best serial killers contemporary cinema has ever faced. Actions talk better than words, therefore John Doe's presence is undertoned, his murders speak for his devious deeds. This guy is borderline psychotic, you feel like he's the result of society's decline, which means he could be your next-door, well-educated, everyday man. And, boy he's got a plan. Kudos to the screenwriter for his detailed portrayal of John Doe, but most of all, kudos to Spacey who knows how to deliver a scene-stealing character.

3) Dr Hannibal Lecter - Anthony Hopkins
Speaking of scene-stealers, Hopkin's Hannibal achieved in 16 minutes of screen time in The Silence of the Lambs to create the most talked about villain since Darth Vader. His exceptional manners, his academic education, his nearly superhuman sense of perception, combined with his serial killer instincts, chilling glare and rather unusual eating habbits, gave the big screen this fucked-up persona. He may be a bit surreal, but otherwise there wouldn't be so much hype over this psycho. Anthony Hopkins gave us a performance he has yet to match, except maybe for Nixon. Hannibal Lecter is the dream role for a movie villain wannabe, you can't but admire this
one.

2) Norman Stansfield - Gary Oldman in Leon (1994)
Such a glorious performance. Gary Oldman has thrived in bad guy roles. But here, he gives us one of the best there are. The character of Stansfield isn't that well written, but Gary's portrayal gives this man depth and personality. Each time he says one of his memorable lines, you get that tingling feeling up your spine. He's mad, immoral, ruthless, with a sick sense of humour. "It's the cops outside... we better go". Plus, he's a cop who enjoys killing, something you don't get often in Hollywood. Thank Besson for this. It's a feared and awe-inspiring villain, not like most Tinseltown bad guys, who are out of this world. He is the impersonation of vileness, which brings him in second place.



1) Annie Wilkes - Kathy Bates in Misery (1990)
When I sat down to see this movie, I didn't know what to expect. After Annie's first outburst, my jaw dropped and I kept repeating the F word like in a Richard Curtis' script. This is a character with real life psychosis. A stalker who traps her victim in her own house. The number one fan.Annie Wilkes is the most down-to-earth villain there is in cinema.Kathy Bates elevates this character to unknown psycho levels. She's not overacting, she delivers a perfect performance. She's got the looks that make you see in her the great aunt you have that lives in the suburbs. She's nice mannered, plus she is utterly believable when in normal mode. When the Ms Hyde comes out of her, you can't help but daze. She hasn't got an alter ego, they both exist at the same time. She is smart too, you can't fool her like your average Hollywood crazy villain.Furthermore, quite determined.That sledgehammer scene. Anyway, funny how all the men got beaten by a female villain, but this crazy bitch deserves it.

Comments
Face it, Norman Bates set the example, but there have been much better psycho villains since 1960. This list is named "psycho villains", so that mentally ok characters are excluded. That leaves out Nurse Ratched and Verbal Kint who could make it in the top 5. Anti-heroes and slasher killers don't count.Sorry Travis Bickle, Freddy Krueger and colonel Kurtz. Amon Goeth from Schindler's List and Patrick Bateman from American Psycho could well be in. I actually feel guilty for not including Tony Montana, but he's borderline anti-hero /villain. And guys, Darth Vader is soooo over appreciated, when are you going to realise that.